Perspectives
by Katt9966
Summary: A response to the challenge issued by Huntress. Basically Rodney suffers and John is there for him -- yum, yum.
1. Default Chapter

Title: - Perspectives

Author: - Katt

Rating: - PG-13

Pairing: - McKay/Sheppard, pre-slash.

Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know

Archive: - Just let me know.

Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis – ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!

Author's Notes: - This is a response to the challenge issued by Huntress – "Rodney is forced to kill someone during a mission and he has to deal with the aftermath as he is, in general, a non-aggressive person. He has to be injured during the ensuing firefight, nearly die and then be convinced that he did nothing wrong, that death will happen on missions and that when it's you or the other guys, you have to make decisions that will be emotionally painful. John, of course, has to help him heal. How John does that is up to you. Can be Pre-Slash, ER, First Time, any rating...Oh and it must have a happy ending, because everyone deserves one." It's going to be a pre-slash and a multi-chapter story, and while I have it vaguely mapped out in my head I'm not completely sure how long it'll be.

Perspectives Chapter 1

As he threw himself behind a large boulder, trying to squeeze every part of himself behind it's protection, Rodney wondered, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, what he was doing here. He was a scientist for heaven's sake not a soldier. He should be safely ensconced in his lab back on Atlantis tinkering with some fascinating new Ancient device, not hunkered down behind a rock trying not to get shot by some irate locals.

He leaned his head against the cold stone feeling the chill of the rock leaching into the flushed skin of his cheek. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to slow his breathing down, against the sudden quiet it sounded so loud in his ears he was afraid that their pursuers would also hear it and immediately locate his hiding place. Rodney swallowed, his dry mouth doing nothing to relieve the raw feel of his throat. After a few moments he could feel his body starting to calm as the burst of adrenaline that had been released into his system at the first sign of the attack began to dissipate. He no longer felt the need to gasp for each breath, and his heart no longer gave him the impression that it was about to explode out of his chest in an Alienesque scene of gore. Frowning he wondered if "Alienesque" was a real word, but then decided that worrying about semantics in the middle of a life and death situation probably wasn't the best use of his brain. Reaching up he wiped a still slightly shaky arm across his forehead, wiping away the sweat with his sleeve, and finally blinked his eyes open.

Over to his right he could see Major Sheppard crouched down behind a boulder very much like the one he hid behind. The Major wasn't looking in Rodney's direction, but instead was gazing intently back the way they'd come. The consummate soldier, every line of Sheppard's body was tense and alert. Rodney could see the concentration on his face as he tried to pick out any sign of the band of men who had chased them through the woods.

Tearing his gaze away from the Major Rodney twisted his head around to his left and thought he caught a glimpse of Ford's hat about fifteen meters away, where he assumed the Lieutenant had taken cover with Teyla. He just hoped they were okay. On the frantic run through the trees, the sound of gunfire seemingly all around them, Rodney hadn't paused to make sure his team-mates were unharmed, he'd been too busy trying to keep going, his body protesting at every stumbling step he'd made.

Turning back to look towards Major Sheppard Rodney found him looking back at him across the ten meters, or so, that separated them. Sheppard's face was slightly flushed from the long run, but to Rodney the man didn't even look out of breath. For a second their eyes met and Rodney found he couldn't tear his gaze away, his already dry mouth becoming even more parched. Then Sheppard's mouth twisted up into that cocky little half smirk, half grin of his, and he turned away to once more study the ominously still and quiet tree line.

Rodney was surprised to find he'd been holding his breath. As he gasped in a much needed lungful of oxygen his mind began whirring at a million miles an hour trying to analyse what had just happened. Those few seconds when he'd found himself looking straight into Major Sheppard's eyes unsettled him and he wasn't sure why.

However, Rodney was unable to consider the question any longer because at that moment the crack of a gunshot rang out. He felt a sharp sting in his left cheek as several small shards of rock cut into his flesh where a bullet had ricocheted off the boulder he was behind. Pulling his extremities closer to his body Rodney desperately tried to make himself as small as possible, ignoring the warm trickle of blood as it ran down his cheek from the cuts, and soaked into the collar of his jacket.

More gunshots rang out from the direction of the trees, and Rodney heard the sound of Sheppard's and Ford's P-90's clattering out an angry retort. Taking a deep, steadying breath Rodney slid his right hand down over his body until he felt the cold metal of his Berretta.

The weight of the Berretta against his thigh was both a comfort and a threat to Rodney. It was comforting to know it was there, and that he was trained how to use it to defend himself and his team mates. However, it was the threat that he might have to use it one day, he might have to kill someone that made him apprehensive. Rodney didn't like guns, and despite the fact he'd been trained how to use one he still felt a little tug of unease in his heart that he had to carry one. He'd only reluctantly agreed to the weapons training in the first place because he knew he wouldn't be allowed through the Stargate without it.

During the frenetic chase through the woods Rodney hadn't paused long enough to unholster it, now, however, he closed his hand around the grip and pulled it free from it's holster. He suddenly became aware of the sweat that made his hands feel slick and his grip unsure. Quickly swapping the gun from one hand to the other Rodney wiped his palms against his thighs. His grasp of the weapon felt white-knuckled and Rodney had to force himself to relax it, the tension from his hands transferring itself to his shoulders as he felt the muscles there bunch and harden.

He looked across at the Major, and watched as he would peer around his boulder long enough to let loose a short, sharp burst of gunfire, and then duck back behind its protection. The answering bursts of gunfire, coupled with the sounds of Teyla and Ford's weapons, made Rodney want to fling down his own gun, close his eyes and stick his fingers in his ears. He felt a flash of contempt pass through him at what he perceived as his own cowardice, and taking a steadying breath he prepared to defend his team.

However, before he risked glancing around from his place of safety he felt the need to check Major Sheppard, he wasn't sure why, he just knew he needed to see the other man. Sheppard was totally focused on the threat from the woods in front of them. Rodney envied him his single-mindedness, his cool head. While Rodney felt as if he could throw-up any second Sheppard looked calm. Then again, Rodney thought with a wry smile, only Major John Sheppard could spend most of the day running and hiding in the woods from gun-wielding, homicidal maniacs, and not even look a little frayed around the edges.

Slight movements just beyond the Major's position grabbed Rodney's attention. He felt his stomach clench in fear when he identified the source of the movement as one of their attackers. The man had somehow managed to circle around behind Sheppard, and as Rodney watched in horror, he stood and aimed his weapon directly at his back.

Unusually for Rodney, who prided himself on his problem solving skills, he didn't stop to think, he just acted out of instinct. Unable to get a clear shot of the man with the Major positioned between them he stood straight up. His fear was still strong within him, but now it wasn't fear for himself, but fear for Major Sheppard.

The man who was in the process of aiming at the Major saw the sudden movement beyond him, and refocused his attention, and his gun, on Rodney. Just as he'd been trained to back at the SGC Rodney pointed his Berretta at the man. Then he froze, his hand shaking, a cold bead of sweat running down his temple. Rodney could feel himself breathing heavily through his nose; his eyes focused on the man who stood to the Major's right. For long moments, which in reality must have only been seconds, Rodney and the man stared at each other, neither moving, neither looking away. Rodney didn't know what to do. While a voice in his mind, that sounded just like his firearms trainer Lieutenant Karnes, said, _"Sight the target and squeeze the trigger."_ Another voice frantically whispered at him, _"It's another human being, you can't kill a person, you're not a soldier." _Rodney was torn between the two. Everything else faded away; he heard nothing, saw nothing, but the man. Then the spell was broken. The man smiled coldly at him and moved the gun from Rodney and re-aimed it at the Major. He'd assessed Rodney as no threat, he'd seen him hesitate, and decided he was too spineless to shoot.

Rodney knew he'd run out of time, he had to act, Major Sheppard's life depended on it. Just as he'd been trained to, he sighted his target and squeezed the trigger. Lieutenant Karnes would've been proud of him. The other man looked completely surprised as the bullet slammed into his chest. He was thrown backwards, but not before Rodney saw the first bloom of blood on his chest, and he knew he'd killed him.

He was so consumed by what he'd done that the burning flash of white-hot pain that smashed into his side took him completely by surprise. Suddenly the outside world impinged on Rodney's consciousness once more. The sounds of gunfire and frantic shouts filled his ears as he felt himself fall to the ground. The initial burst of pain had rapidly faded leaving Rodney feeling numb. He lay on his back and stared up at the cloudless blue sky that stretched away above them. In his hand he could feel the heavy, cold metal of his gun. He tightened his grip on it not wanting to let it go, anchoring himself to its solid, familiar presence.

Suddenly Rodney felt a stabbing pain rip through his body and his vision began to grey at the edges, a buzzing noise growing louder in his ears. He knew he should get up, he knew his team still needed him, Major Sheppard might still need him, but his limbs felt heavy and it was as if his mind and body were disconnected from each other. Unable to hold on to either any longer Rodney gave himself up to the gathering darkness.


	2. Perspectives Chapter 2

Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis – ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!

Perspectives Chapter 2

Turning his body John didn't even slow down as he sprayed a hail of bullets in an arc through the trees behind his team, covering their retreat. For a simple "meet and greet" this whole mission had certainly gone all to Hell pretty fast.

The people of this world were supposed to be a little wary of strangers, and although her people hadn't been here since her father's time, Teyla hadn't anticipated any problems. John cursed himself for taking her word for it. He'd become too complacent, relying on Teyla's local knowledge far too much. He'd decided not to bring a Puddle Jumper, commenting that a nice walk in the woods would do them all good. He'd even made some facetious comment about Rodney spending too much time in his lab, and the need for him to get some exercise. Well, they'd all had plenty of that.

The village had been a pleasant five-mile walk from the Stargate. The pathway through the woods a little overgrown, but not difficult to follow. They'd all enjoyed it; even Rodney's grumbles about sore feet, and too many insects, sounding more like they'd been made out of habit than genuine annoyance. Situated in a shady woodland glade the village would've been picturesque, if it wasn't for the fact it was run down, and abandoned. Teyla had been unable to offer an explanation, and a closer inspection had reveled that the inhabitants had apparently left in a hurry. However, they hadn't had a chance to ponder the circumstances that might have led to the village been abandoned, because the peace had been shattered by the first bullet whizzing past his ear.

At first they'd hunkered down behind the wall of the nearest cottage as they'd tried to identify who was attacking them. After the first few shots their attackers had gone quiet, and he'd tried shouting out the standard, "We're peaceful explorers" spiel, but to no response. It had been the silence that had bothered him. He could remember Rodney hissing out the hope that whoever it was had been trying to scare them and had gone away, but John hadn't been convinced. He could remember the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end as he'd realised that they were being watched, and encircled. He'd only had time to whisper a few quick orders to the others about making for the Stargate, staying together, and watching each other's backs. He'd covered them as they'd made a break for it, but there had been more assailants waiting for them in the cover of the trees than they'd anticipated, and they'd found their retreat to the Stargate cut off. Ford had had point, and they'd all followed him as he'd veered away from their attackers, and made a frantic dash through the undergrowth.

John had made sure he'd brought up the rear, not worrying so much about Ford or Teyla, but making sure he'd kept a close eye on Rodney. While Ford was young and fit, and Teyla was self-assured in amongst the trees, running with a natural grace that put them all to shame, poor Rodney had neither fitness nor grace on his side. However, John couldn't fault his determination, despite the fact that he'd soon been stumbling and blowing hard Rodney had just about kept up, and John had only had to haul him up from the ground by his collar a couple of times during their heedless flight.

They'd kept up a good pace for twenty minutes before he'd eventually called a halt to try and get his bearings, and to listen for signs of pursuit. It hadn't been long before they'd heard it. A large group of men were moving swiftly through the trees towards them, and they'd had no choice but to move on. So a pattern had been established. Frantic runs through the woods trying to make sure they were circling back towards the Stargate, interspersed by minutes spent trying to catch their breath, panting, and gulping water from their canteens when they could. They'd even spent several hours hunched down in a gully, not talking, barely daring to breath, hoping that their pursuers would give up the chase. However, whoever these people were they were tenacious, and the team had had to fight their way out of their hiding place when they'd gotten too close to being tracked down.

John could see that the trees ahead were beginning to thin signaling the end of the woodland, now he had another problem to consider. The Stargate was about a mile away from the tree line, but the ground between here and there was completely open. They wouldn't make it half way to the gate before they'd be cut down. He had to hope he could find some kind of cover, and that Elizabeth Weir would follow protocol.

They had been due to report into Atlantis thirty minutes ago, and if Weir followed standard procedure she should be just about ready to get Grodin to open the gate and try and establish radio contact. All he had to do was keep his team together, and safe, until reinforcements showed up.

Turning back towards his team he noted that Ford and Teyla had already broken cover and were heading out beyond the tree line, he had to curb his own desire to join them, and turn his attention to his civilian team member. Not for the first time John wondered if he was going to regret his decision to have McKay on his team. There was no doubt the man had pulled their asses out of the fire on more than one occasion, but John was afraid that one day Rodney's lack of military training was going to get him seriously hurt, or worse, and John wasn't sure how he'd be able to handle that.

When he'd first met him Doctor Rodney McKay had struck John as a typical civilian scientist – whiny and too full of his own importance. It had only been once they'd made it to Atlantis that he'd begun to revise his assessment of the man. He'd realised that Rodney's boast about being the most intelligent person on the Atlantis team was actually not an idle claim, but the simple truth. However, it had been McKay's discovery of the shield devise, which had really opened John's eyes to the man that Rodney McKay could be, if he just let his guard down around other people a little more often. His almost child-like delight in his ability to use Ancient technology, once his gene therapy had begun to work, had swept John along too. The rather wicked sense of humour Rodney had displayed when he'd talked John into throwing him off the balcony in front of Grodin and Weir, just to see their reaction, had appealed to John as being somewhat akin to his own. However, it had been the quiet courage Rodney had shown, facing the shadow creature on his own to save the whole base, that had impressed John the most, and which had convinced him that Weir's suggestion that Rodney should be on his team wasn't entirely erroneous.

Suddenly John found himself breaking through the trees a few steps behind Rodney, blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted from the cool shade of the woods to the bright open sunshine of the heath. He could see Ford and Teyla off to his right where they had sought the safety of the only cover the open heathland afforded them. A line of large boulders, that looked incongruent in the landscape, lay before them. John could remember how Rodney had gone into lecture mode when they'd first seen them earlier that day, hypothesizing that they were a stone circle of religious significance. At the time John had tuned Rodney out a little, and just let him go on, being more interested in scanning the trees for danger. Now though he thanked whatever deity these boulders had been placed here for, because it had hopefully given them a chance. He watched Rodney flopping down behind one of the boulders before he followed suit, but not before he'd signaled Ford to dig in.

John felt the adrenaline coursing through his body, his "flight or fight" response heightening every sense. He took a breath, and then let his training take over. He scanned the tree line watching carefully for the first signs of any movement. He had no doubt that their pursuers weren't about to give up now, not when it seemed that they were pinned down. Mind you they wouldn't be far wrong, they were pinned down here, but with the promise of reinforcements soon, when Weir opened the Stargate, John knew their chances of survival were infinitely greater here than out on the open ground.

Just then something tickled at the edge of John's consciousness, and turning he found himself looking across at Rodney. McKay looked exhausted, his face flushed, sweat plastering his hair to his head, his heaving chest showing that his breathing was only just beginning to calm down from the strained wheezing that John had been listening to with concern for the last two miles of their run. Looking directly into Rodney's eyes John could see the fear and uncertainty in their depths, and something else perhaps. Something that John had thought he'd seen there briefly several times before, a look so fleeting that he wasn't sure if he'd really seen it there, or if it had been a case of wishful thinking. John pushed his own hopes into the back of his mind, and concentrated instead on a team mate who needed the reassurance of his team leader. So he plastered one of his best, most cock-sure, grins on to his face before he turned his attention back to the trees.

The crack of a gun shot wasn't too much of a surprise to John, but his heart flipped in his chest when he realised that the shot had been aimed in Rodney's direction. He risked a quick glance, telling himself it was a strategic damage assessment, and not the worry of one friend for another. Relief flooded through him when he saw that despite some blood on his face Rodney was fine, and indeed was doing his best to make himself as small as possible behind his boulder. John hoped that Rodney would keep his head down as he turned back to look out towards their attackers, and concentrated on laying down suppressing fire.

Through the deep shadows of the trees John could see small movements as the men who hid there tried to ensure they had good cover, and good vantage points to fire from. While watching the men in front of him, he also tried to watch their flanks, knowing that if it were him in those trees he'd try to get around behind his targets. While he didn't know how strategically sophisticated his enemy was John wasn't going to make the mistake of under-estimating him. He certainly hadn't seen anything today to suggest that their pursuers were militarily inept.

Above the noise of gun shots that rang out fairly regularly from the trees, and from Ford and Teyla, John was surprised that he heard the soft grunt off to his right, and slightly behind him. Turning his head he was just in time to see the man who'd crept up on him collapse to the ground, a look of infinite surprise on his face, and a growing stain on blood on his chest. John felt shock flood him as he realised that he hadn't even known the man was there, and that he had no doubt been moments from death without knowing it. Jesus, he thought, Aiden had just made the shot of his life, complete accuracy from a good twenty-five meters. He turned towards Ford's position intending to signal his thanks when he saw something that made the blood freeze in his veins. Rodney was standing up completely exposed, one arm outstretched towards him, his sidearm pointed not at John, but beyond him. It all fell into place, the shot that saved his life, the devastated look on Rodney's face, but to John's horror Rodney stood frozen looking beyond him towards the place where the other man had been standing. Just as John opened his mouth to yell at Rodney to get down, the brief silence that had followed the fall of his attacker was broken by a single gunshot. For the first time that day John truly felt terror well up in his throat as he watched Rodney falling bonelessly to the hard ground.

He didn't move, and John couldn't see if he was still breathing or not. He could hear his own voice joining Ford and Teyla's as they shouted for Rodney. He had to suppress the urge to move, to break cover and try to get to his hurt friend. It wasn't easy, John could feel the muscles in his legs bunching, poised, ready to carry him across the short distance that separated them. It was with some difficulty that he managed to suppress the instinctive urge to reach Rodney's side. It was also incredibly difficult to refocus his mind on the job at hand, to refocus on his survival. Despite his body returning fire on their attackers most of his mind was trapped in a loop, watching Rodney fall.

He actually jumped when his radio crackled to life, and he heard Elizabeth's concerned voice requesting radio contact with Atlantis.


	3. Perspectives Chapter 3

Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis – ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!

Perspectives Chapter 3

John thought that the sight of Puddle Jumper One de-cloaking directly behind their defensive position, some ten minutes after he'd explained their situation to Doctor Weir, and had told her, in a slightly panicked tone, that Rodney had been shot, was probably one of the best sights of his entire life. He could barely contain himself, nervous energy bubbling up inside him as he waited for the marines inside to deploy so that he could move across to Rodney's side. As soon as the jumper appeared the guns in the woods fell silent. No doubt what had seemed an easy standoff, just waiting for the SGA team to run out of ammunition, had suddenly taken on a different slant. Sergeant Stackhouse dropped down beside him, and pushing his concern for Rodney away, John filled him in on the positions of the enemy, knowing that no matter how much he wanted to see if Rodney was still alive, he still had a job to do and people to keep safe.

As the marines took up defensive positions covering the area around the jumper John finally scrambled over towards Rodney's position. Ford and Teyla were already there, worry etched on their faces. John was a little disappointed the Doctor Beckett wasn't present, but knew that Elizabeth would be reluctant to let their chief medical officer into a combat zone. However, he was relieved that one of the marine's corpsmen was kneeling next to Rodney taking care of him. Just the fact that Rodney was still alive caused a rush of relief to course through John's body. From his previous location, crouched behind his boulder, he hadn't been able to see if Rodney's chest had been rising and falling, but now he could see the oxygen mask that had been placed over his mouth and nose, and the slightly panting movement of his chest.

He wanted to grab the corpsman, Corporal Martinez, he wanted to know where Rodney had been hit, how bad it was. Most of all though he wanted to be able to do something. John had seldom felt as impotent as he did as he crouched down there next to the rest of his team, watching Martinez working on Rodney. Martinez had secured Rodney's airway feeding him oxygen through a non-rebreathing mask, and slipping a cervical collar around his neck. He then cut through Rodney's vest, jacket and shirt quickly assessing the wound and noting the lack of an exit wound.

John felt nausea well up within him at the sight of Rodney's blood all over Martinez's gloved hands, and the glimpse of the wound itself, still welling up with dark red blood. His reaction took him somewhat by surprise, he wasn't naturally squeamish, and it wasn't as if he hadn't seen combat wounds before. However, this was different, this was a member of his team, a civilian who'd he'd promised himself he'd protect. Guilt twisted in John's gut at the thought that he'd failed, and even worse that Rodney had been hurt protecting him.

Looking down into Rodney's face he didn't think he'd ever seen him looking so pale. It was as if every drop of colour had been drained out of him leaving him almost translucent. His eyes were closed, and his face relaxed despite the beads of sweat that had collected on his brow.

After placing a dressing over the bullet wound in Rodney's side Martinez closed his kit, and looking at the Major asked,

"Can you help me get him on the stretcher sir. We need to get him to Doctor Beckett as quickly as possible."

"Of course." John replied, glancing at Ford as he too moved forward to help.

John was shocked to see his hands trembling as he reached out to support Rodney's shoulders as they quickly and efficiently moved him. It took everything in him to rein in his emotions.

As Martinez secured Rodney to the stretcher Stackhouse flopped down next to John,

"The area's secured sir. The enemy have withdrawn."

Nodding John replied,

"Good, let's get the hell out of here then."

"Yes sir."

Ford and John both moved to take Rodney's stretcher between them, while Teyla trotted along beside them. This was their team mate and everyone there understood that bond.

Once everyone was aboard they wasted no time in getting airborne and enroute to the Stargate. Rodney had been gently placed on the floor and Martinez immediately reopened his medical kit, and ripped open several packets.

"What are you doing? How is he?" John was relieved to be finally able to ask.

Without pausing to glance up at him Martinez explained,

"Doctor McKay has an abdominal injury, he's tachy, with a low pressure and low oxygen sats. I need to get some large bore IV's in before I lose his veins, and start with some wide-open fluid resuscitation. He's lost a lot of blood and I think there's internal bleeding too." Finally looking up at the anxious faces around him, he added. "He's stable, and managing to hold his own, and Doctor Beckett's the best."

With those words of reassurance he focused once more on his patient. It was Teyla who spoke next, her voice sounding at first uncertain, but then becoming more resolved,

"It is true Doctor Beckett is very skilled, and Rodney is very determined."

"Yeah," Ford piped up, looking towards Sheppard, "He's too damn stubborn to…well you know…right Major?"

Tearing his gaze away from Martinez's movements John focused his attention on the uninjured members of his team. People who needed the reassurance of their team leader, who needed him to tell them that everything was going to be alright. So despite the barely repressed fear that gripped his heart he nodded, and forced a half smile onto his face,

"Sure, if he can take on Wraith and shadowy monsters, Rodney can beat this. Besides Beckett's as stubborn as Rodney…he won't let anything happen to him."

Inside John wished he felt as convinced of all that as he'd managed to sound. However, inside a little voice was telling John that he didn't like the paleness of Rodney's skin, or the way he was panting for every breath, or the way Martinez frowned as he took Rodney's blood pressure for the fifth time. Inside John was afraid he was going to lose his teammate, his friend, and he didn't like the black empty feeling that settled in his heart at that thought.

His introspection was interrupted then by Stackhouse's voice calling back from the cockpit,

"We're at the gate, we just need to send the IDC and we're home."

Seconds later they felt the familiar rush as they entered the gate's event horizon.

They'd barely set down, and the jumper's doors were opened, before Beckett and his team appeared. Martinez immediately launched into a rapid-fire run down of Rodney's vital signs, and the worry that creased Beckett's forehead as he listened made John's heart sink.

Knowing he was in the way, and feeling completely inadequate, John had a sudden urge to escape. He backed out of the jumper's doors into the area in front of the gate. News of their problems must have spread fast because the upper gallery of the gate room was lined with people. While there coming down the steps towards him was Elizabeth, concern etched on her face, and a thousand questions on her lips. Questions that John didn't want to face right at that moment. His face becoming a stony mask John walked towards her, and before she had a chance to speak he said,

"Not now Doctor Weir, just…not now."

Without waiting for her to reply he left the gate room as quickly as he could, not stopping until he reached his quarters. Once behind the closed doors of his room he shucked his pack from his shoulders and threw it across the room. He was mad – mad at those lunatics on the planet who had started shooting first without giving them a chance, mad at the man who'd shot Rodney, mad at himself for not protecting the scientist and, although he hated to admit it, even to himself, he was mad at Rodney too.

What the Hell had Rodney done that for. Jesus, John was supposed to protect him not the other way around. Why hadn't he shouted a warning? Why'd Rodney have to risk his own life to save his? Didn't the idiot realise that Atlantis needed him? If they were ever to get home it would, without a doubt, be Rodney who'd be the one to figure out how to do it. Rodney was important. Rodney was a genius. While all Major John Sheppard was, was a pilot with a mutant gene, and a freaky ability to do math. Besides all that, Rodney was his friend and something more. Something that John had barely admitted to in his own mind, let alone shared with the object of his feelings, and maybe now he wouldn't get the chance, and that thought made John even angrier.

"You selfish bastard McKay. That wasn't your job…it wasn't your call to make!"

The white-hot fury that consumed him at that moment quickly burned out and John found himself sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. Blinking back the frustrated tears that he could feel welling up unbidden in his eyes John realised that he was in the wrong place. He needed to be at the infirmary. He needed to fill Elizabeth in on what happened. He needed to be strong for his team. He needed to be there for Rodney right now. No matter how he felt he had a job to do and responsibilities to others.

"And you called Rodney selfish." He snorted to himself as he stood up and walked to the door.


	4. Perspectives Chapter 4

Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis – ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!

Author's Note: - I have no idea how to write a Scottish accent so I'm afraid I haven't attempted one for Carson, but as most of what he says is "doctor speak" he'd have to be clear and concise anyway – well that's my story for being a chicken about it LOL. Oh, and I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has given me feedback for the previous chapter, it's much appreciated!

Perspectives Chapter 4.

John hated waiting. Waiting, and having to keep still for too long – he hated them both. After getting a grip on himself earlier he'd left his quarters and gone straight to the infirmary. There he'd found Ford, Teyla and Weir all waiting in the small room, which was just off from the infirmary proper, that Doctor Beckett had designated as a waiting room. A chair had been saved for him between his two unharmed team mates, and before he sat down he nodded his thanks, and understanding, at the gesture of solidarity, to them.

"Has Beckett said anything…told you how he's doing?" He asked.

It was Doctor Weir, who answered,

"No, I'm sorry Major, they just took Rodney inside and told us to wait here. But I'm sure…well Carson will do everything he can."

John let out a sharp breath of air, and then nodded,

"Yeah I know. It's just…not knowing."

"I understand." Weir said sympathetically, before asking the question John had been dreading. "How did this happen Major? Lieutenant Ford and Teyla have filled me in on the unfriendly reception you got, but how did Rodney get hurt?"

Turning to look at her John tried, and failed, to keep the anger from his voice as he snapped,

"McKay took a stupid risk and got himself shot, that's what happened!"

Weir's face registered her surprise at his tone, and Teyla's voice sounded disapproving as she said,

"I believe that is unfair Major. Doctor McKay acted as he did to save your life."

Turning towards her John winced inwardly at the confusion he'd just seen on Ford's face, and the slight challenge on Teyla's. Chiding himself for not keeping his emotions in check, he stood up and stalked to the other side of the room, leaning back against the wall.

"Yeah I know Teyla, I know your right, but…"

Teyla's face softened,

"I understand Major. When the responsibility of leadership is on your shoulders it is hard when one of your people is hurt. But Doctor McKay only did what he thought was right…what you would've done in his place."

Nodding John looked down at the floor, then back at Weir, who was still waiting to hear what had happened back on the planet.

"We dug in, waiting for you to open the Stargate, and try to contact us when we failed to meet our check-in deadline. The planet's inhabitants had taken up position at the edge of the tree line, and were going to wait us out. I was trying to watch for muzzle flashes, pin-point their positions, but I also knew they could try to out-flank us." At Weir's look of confusion John clarified. "They might get behind us, try to pick us off that way. I thought I had it all covered, but…obviously I was wrong. One of the gunmen had crept up on my right; I had no idea he was there. Rodney must have seen him though, cause next thing I know this guy's dropping, shot in the chest. I thought Ford had made the kill. I turned and saw…I saw Rodney standing up. He had no cover, and he's just standing there looking over to where the dead guy was. The look on his face…I should've known, should've realised he was in shock. I mean he'd just killed this guy, but…I should've done something. Shouted, tried to get to him, to get him down, but I just…I did nothing. Then there's a shot from the trees and Rodney's hit."

John closed his eyes and leant his head back against the wall, letting Weir digest his report, his failure, waiting for her response. However, it was Ford, who spoke first,

"It was so fast Sir, only a couple of seconds."

"Lieutenant Ford is correct Major. It was very fast, you could not have reached Doctor McKay in time." Teyla confirmed.

John opened his eyes and scrutinized his team mates, trying to gauge if they were merely attempting to make him feel better. To him those moments when Rodney had stood there exposed to enemy fire, pale, shaking, his face bearing an anguished expression, had passed so slowly, that he'd felt sure afterwards that he'd had time to act, but hadn't. He felt he'd failed Rodney during that time. However, both Ford and Teyla looked sincere in their belief that he couldn't have gotten to Rodney in time to prevent him from getting hurt.

"Yeah, well, whatever…it doesn't change anything. Rodney's still hurt…He still got hurt protecting my ass." John was unwilling to let go of his guilt that easily.

Standing there feeling useless, frustration welling up within him, he kicked away from the wall, and stalked towards the closed infirmary doors,

"What the Hell's taking so long? Can't somebody tell us something!"

Elizabeth stood up too. She went to put a comforting hand on John's shoulder, but when she saw the tension in every line of his body she reconsidered, and dropped her hand back down by her side.

"They're busy Major." She said softly. "Doctor Beckett will come to speak to us when he can. He knows we're here. Why don't you sit down and I'll get us all some coffee"

Reluctantly John agreed.

That had been two hours ago. The coffee Elizabeth had fetched had either been drunk, or was gone cold in the cups down by their feet. Now they were just waiting. No one spoke, each caught up in his or her own thoughts. The only sound was the occasional squeak of plastic as someone squirmed in their chair, and the tapping noise from John's right foot as he bounced his heel up and down in an unconscious effort to release some of the nervous tension that had built up in his system. A few times someone had stopped by to ask if there was any news, Grodin, Zelenka, a couple of the other scientists John was unfamiliar with. They'd all left disappointed when Elizabeth had shaken her head and told them "no".

When what John had been wishing for eventually happened, and the doors to the infirmary opened, and a tired looking Carson Beckett stepped out; John felt a cold coil of fear in his gut. He suddenly wished Beckett wasn't there, because he was afraid of what the doctor was about to tell them.

At once they all stood up and moved towards Beckett.

"How is he Carson?" Elizabeth asked.

"He's made it through the operation to repair the damage the bullet caused. Right now we're getting him settled in a bed, and setting up all the monitoring equipment we'll need."

Carson paused to let them absorb the news that Rodney was still alive, seeing the relief on their faces.

"How bad is it?" John asked, afraid of the answer. He'd seen the amount of blood that had soaked into the ground under Rodney when they'd moved him onto the stretcher, and had known then that it was life threatening.

"Let's sit." Carson said, indicating the chairs they'd vacated at his entrance, and he also pulled up a chair for himself. He sighed gratefully when he settled into it. "When we got Rodney to the infirmary he was in a bad way. He was hypothermic, tachycardic," seeing John's confusion he explained, "his heart was beating very fast, but his pulse was weak and thready, he also had very low blood pressure and oxygen saturation readings. In fact I don't think he'd have made it back through the gate alive if it weren't for Corporal Martinez. He managed to insert a couple of large bore IV's, and he aggressively pushed fluid resuscitation. It stopped Rodney from bleeding out in the Jumper."

John made a mental note at Beckett's words to have a chat with Martinez, and make sure the guy knew how much he appreciated everything he'd done for Rodney. However, he refocused his attention as the doctor continued,

"We rushed Rodney to surgery. There was a single bullet wound in the left lumbar region. When we operated we found massive intraperitoneal bleeding. We managed to visualize the damage the bullet had caused. There was an injury to the descending colon and the inferior mesenteric artery. We had to transfuse Rodney with eight units of type specific blood while we repaired the damage, and while it was a little…hairy for a while, he did really well." Carson paused.

"So he's going to be alright?" Weir interjected.

"He's still not out of the woods. He'll be unconscious for a few hours yet. We need to monitor his blood pressure very closely, and so he needs to wake up as gently and calmly as possible. Because of the damage to the colon we've given him a temporary colostomy, but once the colon's healed we'll remove it, that should be in a month or so. Because of the nature of the injuries we'll have to keep a close watch for infection too. I've got him on broad-spectrum anti-biotics, and he still requires quite aggressive fluid resuscitation to correct the acidosis. We've got him hooked up to pre-warmed fluids, high flow blood-warmers, and tucked in with some pre-warmed blankets. With such serious blood loss hypothermia is a real worry."

The longer Carson spoke the more John's heart sank, and he winced at the unsteady sound to his voice as he repeated Elizabeth's question, which Doctor Beckett had rather side-stepped,

"He's going to be alright?"

Carson turned to look at him, and John could see the pain in his eyes, and remembered that Rodney was one of Carson's closest friends, as he replied,

"He has a good chance of a full recovery. We just have to monitor him carefully, watch out for a secondary bled or infection." Standing up Carson told them, "You know Rodney, he's a stubborn cuss. He'll fight."

John got the impression Beckett was trying to reassure himself with those words as well as his audience. Everyone else stood too, and reaching out John squeezed Beckett's shoulder briefly,

"You're right…thanks for everything you did for him."

Beckett merely nodded in reply. Then anticipating John's next question he said,

"One visitor for five minutes."

John looked at Elizabeth and hoped she understood his need to see his team mate, his friend, the man who'd been so badly hurt saving his life. If she didn't he was prepared to argue the point as forcefully as it took until she did. He was relieved when she stepped back and inclined her head in unspoken acquiescence.

John looked at Teyla and Ford, and they both nodded. Ford adding in a quiet voice,

"We'll wait here for you."

"Thank you Lieutenant." John replied, glad to feel the support of his team at his back.

"Tell Doctor McKay we wish him well." Teyla added. Colouring slightly she continued, "I know Doctor Beckett says he is asleep, but maybe he will hear you."

"I will." John assured her.

Beckett had already moved towards the infirmary, eager to return to his patient, and friend, and had paused in the doorway only to hold it open for John. John was suddenly gripped by a fear of what he would find. Worried about how Rodney would look. He got the impression from Beckett's explanation that he was going to be hooked up to a lot of machines, and he tried to steel himself as best he could as he stepped over the threshold into the infirmary.


End file.
